apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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