i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
