i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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