He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
