yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
