I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you win again, gameday.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
