Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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