You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
