Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
