sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
