hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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