Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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