tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
