We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
