shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
