I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
