I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
