I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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