Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
