we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
