btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
