you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
