Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
