HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
