I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
