tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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