if i can run in heels then i can drive
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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