Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
