This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
