I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
