I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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