you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
