I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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