just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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