there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
