I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
