Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
