my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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