Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
