Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
