some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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