I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
