While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
