I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You need Xanax blowdarts
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
