Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
