proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
don't judge my taste in strippers
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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