Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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