He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
