He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
