We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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