If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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