he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
