Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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