I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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