Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I love having hate sex.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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